Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
