So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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