I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
