I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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