Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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