I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
