but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
