Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
