Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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