You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
