Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
