Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
