would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
