So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
