She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize