Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
