I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
