Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
