You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
