by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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