just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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