he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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