the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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