yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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