just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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