I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
