I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
