you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
