All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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