yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
