If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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