so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
