Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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