I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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