Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I could fuck to npr.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
