what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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