The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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