On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
