just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
