; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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