Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
