you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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