I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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