forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
