But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's always time for handjobs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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