omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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