explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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