i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
