I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
