The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
