with your own penis?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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