there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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