We named our party play list daddy issues
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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