AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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