You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
