Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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