The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
