your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
