The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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