is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
