this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
