Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I supernannyed him into submission
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
