ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she told me i tasted like america
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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