i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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