Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
