your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
