Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I cut my penus on the lid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
