i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
