You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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