I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
