can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
