why didn't you poke me back
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
