She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
