Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
