Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
