I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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