Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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