Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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