i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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