Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
